Tyler
Growing up in church I heard only negative things about gay people.
This instilled in me the idea that if I’m not straight, I can’t be good. So when I found myself attracted to other guys, I shoved it deep down. I didn’t want to be unloved by those I around me. My faith was always important to me, and I dreamed of one day being a youth pastor. To do this though knew I would have to be straight.
Pronouns: he/him
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I tried everything from praying, fasting, anointing with oil, and even destructive therapy programs. This all while I was working as a youth pastor. But nothing changed and I wondered where this loving God I had heard so much about was. I came to believe that constant emotional pain was my burden to carry.
Even with the pain it was one of my greatest joys to help students see that they were beautiful, just the way they were. Most importantly that God loved them unconditionally. I wasn’t able to believe this for myself but I did for them.
In the midst of this pain while in seminary I began to feel like God was telling me I was ok just the way I was. I finally made the choice to come out a few years after seminary. I couldn’t live any longer hiding and lying about who I was. Coming out meant that I could finally be me but it was also sacrificing my lifelong home in the church denomination I grew up in as well as my career as a pastor there. But it was worth it in order to live. It was like breathing for the first time.
Today I am no longer in ministry. I grieved this loss for a while but have found that God still uses me and my story to care for others. Even though I don’t have the title of pastor that doesn’t mean I’m not worthy of being used to share God’s love.
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