James
I am truly blessed. I had the ideal ‘Focus on the Family’ upbringing. I was loved unconditionally by God, was the oldest of three kids, my Mom stayed home to care for us and my Dad worked hard to provide all of our needs.
We went to church 3x a week. I was born again before I could ride a bike. I knew all the books of the Bible, memorized the important verses and sang in the choir. We had a life of privilege. We were the perfect evangelical Christian family. And yet I always felt “different”, like I “didn’t belong” or that I was an “other”. I was gay.
Pronouns: he/him
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Hearing the messages from society, my church and my family; I knew that I was a sinner and had fallen short of ‘the glory of God’.
I read the stories of how God changed and healed others. I wanted to change. I wanted to be loved. For years I tried to pray away the gay. I did everything I could to kill that part of me. But nothing worked. I was broken… but vowed to never show anyone my pain.
Being told was unworthy of love, I found acceptance and “love” in the gay village and became hyper-sexualized at 12. I found my worth in my body, my career and my achievements.
I was the ‘best’ at everything. Graduated top of my class, landed the highest paying job, lived/worked/travelled all over the world, was the first to buy my own place, had the finest things and most popular & best-looking boyfriends.
I was also rotting inside. I knew that I was a fraud. I had toxic self-esteem, was severely depressed, had multiple addictions and wanted to take my own life.
Desperate and alone, I uttered one last simple prayer, “God, help me, now!”. This started my road to recovery and my journey to heal the wounds of my toxic theology.
We can no longer afford to ignore the psychological, spiritual, emotional and mental abuse that the church inflicts on children when they teach that ANY of God’s children are less than, unworthy of love or unable to love in the way that God has designed them to love.
I now lead a movement and host a podcast called ‘This Little Light Of Mine’ that advocates for Queer Christians. I see a future that includes a fully affirming progressive ‘evangelical church’.
You are designed with a powerful voice, no matter who you are. We need to hear what you have to say. You matter, you are needed, you are wanted, and you are loved… and there is nothing you can do to change that.
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