Jenn
Unloved, Unwelcome, Ashamed and Scared. You’d think I’m describing a queer youth’s experience within the church. This is sadly, too often the case. However, I’m describing my youth without God. The journey began as a troubled teen leaving home at 15 years old and it was down hill from there. The experiences endured created a hard heart, addiction and anger.
Yet now, as a gay woman, I see God’s mercy and grace all over my youth. I’ll never forget the mail man who woke me up from sleeping under a stairwell and asked, “Am I okay?”. To the bus driver who let me sleep on the bus until the last stop, to the homeless man who asked me if “I” was okay as I stumbled out of an apartment from a domestic fight. The twinkle in the homeless man’s eye, I’ll never forget. I believe now, God was speaking, in each encounter.
Pronouns: she/her
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Psalm 91:11 For he will put his angels in charge of you, to guard you, in all your ways.
That is love and that is our God. Makes you wonder, who’s in your life that the Lord is speaking through? No matter the struggle, God is GOING to pursue you even if you don’t quite know who he is yet. The Lord chased me and pursued me until he was my last resort.
10 years ago, I gave my life to Christ and my life has been flipped upside down. I believe the Lord lifted me out of the pit at my weakest and led me down his path, to lead and teach youth about him. I could speak with conviction and passion as I knew I’d been forever changed. I did this while not telling many at church about my sexuality. I knew they believed it was a sin. However, I was on MY personal journey and as I grew in relationship with God, I wondered how he could be using me if I was ‘sinning’ as I had been told. I didn’t have all the answers but I let the Lord be my guide.
Even though I was asked to step down from leadership when my sexuality was made known, perhaps this was the plan all along. It was time to move on, open my eyes to the vast issues within the church and speak to more people.
To the youth reading this, I feel your pain and your struggles. Not only as a queer individual but as a teen, this is only one piece of the puzzle of life that you are trying to navigate. I urge you to tune out the noise and ask the holy spirit to speak to your heart.
You are loved and were created just as you are for a purpose. The Lord gives the strongest battles to his toughest soldiers and you, are they!
John 6:37 All that the Father gives to me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will NEVER drive away.
Much love,
Jenn B
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