Jonas
Jesus has always been a part of my life. I got to know his love through my parents and in church when I was a kid.
I learned to know and feel that I am a child of God and that He loves me unconditionally. Knowing that, I was a kid full of joy, love and laughter.
Pronouns: he/him
Photo of Jonas
When puberty hit me, I realized that I was different from the other boys around me. I wasn’t showing interest in girls. I was being attracted to guys. And even though I was new to all of this, I instantly felt ashamed and guilty of myself. My feelings came naturally to me, but I had already internalized that living a queer life would mean living a sinful life. And that was the least I wanted.
I had heard too many sermons, too many whispers and too many insults regarding the “wrongness” of being queer, that I was too afraid to open up to anyone. So I started to hide parts of me from the people I love. I started to lock away parts of who I was.
Years of loneliness and constant battle followed. I was torn between my feelings and my religious standards, torn between my heart and my head. In all my fighting, shame, guilt and pain I still knew that God loves me unconditionally. I had learned this truth when I was a kid. And I never stopped believing it. When I felt like there was no one to turn to, God was my comfort and my refuge. He was my hiding place in midst of my battlefield.
One day I learned what falling in love with another man means. This day God came right into the battlefield of my head and my heart. He slowly silenced the roaring battle so I could hear his loving message: “You are not wrong. You are wonderfully made. Stop fighting parts of you that make you the person I intended you to be. Embrace your feelings and start living the life that I gave you. A life that lets my light shine a little bit brighter in this world.”
And that is what I am trying to do. I am leaving the guilt, shame and pain behind and start being a living proof that queer Christians are not a contradiction but a colorful reflection of the beauty of God’s creation.
Photo of Jonas
