Micah
Life is simpler in black and white, and I believed that was the life Christianity offered.
I grew up a pastor’s kid in the Midwest. I loved being a pastor’s kid because I felt I always had someone reliable to answer my questions, which was a great way to avoid my fear of the unknown. Church taught that there was good and evil, right and wrong, and I desperately wanted to know how to live correctly for God.
Pronouns: she/her
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When I realized I wasn’t straight in eighth grade, I first identified as bisexual but now I feel pansexual is more accurate. Regardless, I was still sort of attracted to men which meant that I could simply choose to not date women. In my eighth-grade mind, that was the clear solution to what I believed was a black-and-white problem.
This plan crumbled my freshman year of college when I fell in love with another girl. I had no coping strategies to deal with this sudden rush of emotions, and I suddenly learned that I didn’t have perfect Christian self-control as I thought I did. God made it clear to me that simple convictions don’t result in simple obedience. God’s world and Will for my life were much more complex and beautiful than I had ever given him credit for. More than that, I had to humbly admit that I couldn’t solve my own sexuality and I needed other people to help me. So I started coming out.
Coming out to parents is always hard, but I feel my parents truly reacted in a Christ-like manner. They told me they loved me and they asked me to go to therapy—not to “fix” me, but because they knew I was navigating many other emotionally complex problems at the time and, since I went to school 2,000 miles away, they felt it was the best way they could support me in my growth.
Therapy taught me how to express myself and be vulnerable, which was the key to finding the community I needed. The more I came out, the more I connected with other people and the more I discovered God. God has continually revealed to me the beautiful complexities of his creation—beauty I could never grasp with an overly-simplistic view of the world. There’s no shame or fear in asking questions and never finding complete answers. In fact, it’s necessary.
Photo of Micah
