Sarah
Christianity and Queerness - I never believed that these two words could co-exist, nor did my younger self ever foresee that I would be at a place now where these two are no longer exclusives and that the God that I believe in is just as fluid, comfortably living in the grey rather than the black-and-white theologies I was indoctrinated in.
I vividly remember at 16, however, begging God to make it stop - all the noise, all the voices that told me to deny that part of myself, the repression in an attempt to appease an ideology of a God that supposedly wanted a heteronormative, submissive girl out of the type 8 feminist, outspoken, passionate-as-hell-over-justice-for-the-oppressed demi/bisexual that I was and am today.
Pronouns: she/her
Photo of Sarah on stage
Growing up a pastor’s kid, I not only had to uphold the “face” of this “me” I created out of my own safety and security in belonging to the church, but I felt like I had to protect the reputation of my father who was (and is) the senior pastor of our home church and my mother. Every Sunday, I remember praying fervently, in hopes that I was being a “good and faithful servant” by showing God just how persistent I was in pushing my sexuality aside for the sake of the Kingdom. I now know that this is far from the hope and future that God has promised to me, and thank the Lord above that I am fearfully and wonderfully made as a queer, Christian individual (albeit still in the process of deconstructing toxic theology that I know does not represent the God I love and who loves me still).
I now know that I don’t have to choose between the faith tradition/community that I have been given nor the sexuality that I know God has innately made me with: there is a Promised Land for the queer babies. This does not mean that there are days where the doubts still settle in with me wondering if I will be damned to hell; the process of deconstruction and reclamation of myself is one that, I believe, is lifelong as the thorn in Paul was, but the Holy Spirit is on the wave to bring back God’s children to the beautiful, rainbow-coloured, neurodiverse, BIPOC inclusionary table where every seat is accounted for, including mine.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and I am unconditionally loved by a God who is ever-expansive, inclusionary, and fluid in expression. The Image of God stamped on me is clear of that, for the queer community as well. We can worship and bask in God’s grace without any more guilt, fear, or shame. Perfect love truly does cast out fear.
Photo of Sarah
