Maria
Hey, my name is Maria. I am queer and I am in love with Jesus.
I grew up in a conservative Catholic region in Germany. Back then, I wasn't interested in this "old-fashioned and boring" religion. In my teenage years I found out that I was attracted to girls, which took me a while to accept. I had to hide my relationship with a girl from most people. At the end of my time in high school, however, I chose to finally be myself by coming out to my friends. From then on, I didn’t want to hide anymore.
Pronouns: she/her
Photo of Maria
Here comes the unusual part of my story. Only after accepting my sexuality did I become a committed member of an evangelical church. I found that church during a gap year in New Zealand, and it was a very new experience for me. It was full of young people who were excited to serve God – a big contrast to the Catholicism I had known.
At first, I didn't think much about the LGBTQ+ topic. I thought there were only two types of Christians: people like my high school friends who were pretty open and accepting towards queer people or extreme fundamentalists who would directly tell gay people that God hates them (like the ones protesting at pride parades). But I found out that there were also people who put love above all else but weren't willing to change their literal interpretation of the Bible ("hate the sin, love the sinner.")
This topic became a crucial one in my faith journey. My first question to one of my closest friends was, "Can you be queer and Christian?" This question would follow me for a long time.
At first it seemed like the answer was "no". Even if people didn't explicitly say it, everything seemed to lead to it if I were to take the Bible seriously.
But it didn't make any sense to me. Why would I be attracted to women if God disapproved of it? And what was I supposed to do? Change somehow? Stay celibate for all my life not because it was my choice but because my sexual identity was perceived as wrong?
The journey was a long one, but it has helped me get to know myself and my faith better. And, it has deepened my connection to God. After praying, crying, and researching a lot, I finally found resources about affirming interpretations of the Bible. And it was such a relief.
As I wrote in a letter to a friend:
"After fighting with myself, after beating myself up over and over, I realized something that made me still and peaceful.
I can't change.
I can't. [...]
I just want to make this clear. My experience, the reality I live, my conscience and intuition, my prayers and the Holy Spirit, my research... all of this led to one conclusion:
It is not a sin to be queer. God is not against it and it doesn't contradict my faith. What contradicts my faith is living a lie.
And I won't lie anymore."
So, I stopped lying to myself and others and started living my life more authentically.
It has brought me so much hope, joy, and love. I want to do everything to show people that they can reconcile their sexuality with their spirituality. You don't have to choose one over the other. You are beloved.
Photo of Maria
