Hina
My name is Hina, and I am asexual, gender fluid, Queer and neurodivergent.
I was born to a Hindu mother and a Muslim father. My faith has been shaped by both their influences as well as my belief in the caring power of the Universe and the healing power of domestic rituals.
Pronouns: she/fae
Photo of Hina
One of the toughest years of my life was when I was working as a drama teacher at one of the most prestigious schools in my city. I had just moved out of my parent's home and forget coming out, I was years away from even accepting that I was Queer. It’s hard to talk about that time because I have blocked out so much of it. I just remember this sense of profound sorrow and a desperation to be loved; to be accepted.
As young people, we aren’t taught a vocabulary for expressing our needs. I think what I craved in those times was companionship, comfort, care, and a sense of belonging. What I settled for was a lot of meaningless sex and toxic relationships, because those were easier to ask for. I remember drinking a lot, self-harming, spending days in my bed, and nights roaming the streets for no reason. Two people saw what was going on with me.
One was a mentor, who is now a dear friend. She told me that it’s okay to feel complex things and that being a complicated person is not a sin. And another was a Christian lady, a fellow teacher, who told me that sometimes, all you can do is go on your knees and beg for forgiveness. And so I did. It didn’t make everything magically okay, but it did teach me that when you are struggling to forgive yourself, the Universe, the Lord, or whatever power you believe in, can forgive you.
And sometimes, that’s all you need.
Photo of Hina
