Kaila
As a kid, I went to church every Sunday and attended Sunday school but I didn’t grow up in a Christian home.
As the years went by, we became a family that only went to services on Easter and Christmas and whenever my dad played percussion for services. I knew about Jesus and had the Lord’s Prayer memorized, but I didn’t truly believe the words that I was hearing or singing. The summer before questioning my sexuality, between sixth and seventh grade, I went to a church camp where I left feeling connected to God.
Pronouns: she/her
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It was at this camp where I was able to grasp who God is and hear contemporary Christian worship music for the first time. I became involved in leadership at this church and came out to my small group in 2016 as “pretty gay.”
Even then, I left Christianity after high school. The idea of what a good Christian looks like got into my head, and sometimes it still does.
It can be hard to separate who Jesus is from the harmful actions of the Church. I am very privileged to not have explicitly heard anti-LGBTQ messages while sitting in church. I once sat on the kitchen floor and prayed out loud to God, “I know you don’t hate me.” Each time I get the sinking feeling that being queer and Christian are at odds, I am reminded of Psalm 27: “For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock.” God loves me as I am and will continue to protect me.
It is incredibly valuable to listen to the experiences of everyone in the Church, especially those who have felt rejected or isolated, so that the Church can truly be a safe space for people to dwell in God’s presence. My hope for queer youth is that they would find spaces like Rebel where they can show up authentically. No queer person should have to question whether their community recognizes and celebrates how amazing queer people are.
Photo of Kaila
