Gab
My name is Gab. Looking back into my childhood I don’t recall many events where I thought I could possibly be LGBTQ+.
But it took me a long time to overcome some mental issues including my anxiety and ADHD. I feel as though once I figured some of those things out, I was able to understand myself more in ways I couldn’t fully comprehend at first. I didn’t always know I was transgender, and even though now I’m still venturing through this journey, I’m learning to take things one step at a time.
Pronouns: he/him
Photo credit: Gab Archives
The way things were in my past are similar to now when it comes to patience, and I feel like once I can truly overcome some of those challenges I will be able to love that person inside and set them free.
After discovering these feelings and thoughts I couldn’t control, I began to fear that I was disappointing God so I decided to completely distance myself. I felt ashamed that I never appreciated the body I was given, and wished so much I could feel ok with my given identity. I felt completely alone, and the relationship with my mom wasn’t the same after I discussed it with her.
For the longest time I was in so much self denial and struggled to love and see myself for who I was. I was always strong in my faith, but when uncertainty and fear struck me that fire soon diminished. I wanted to disappear, but there was always a voice inside telling me to come home. Eventually I grew tired of the distance, I was tired of feeling hopeless, and I wanted to face the fear that religion bestowed upon me.
I came back to God, and I never felt so much peace and love after that moment. He worked on my mom’s patience and understanding, and we have never been closer. Throughout that time I gradually began to heal and come to terms with my identity. And I felt safest talking to my sister before I knew about messaging the Trevor Project for support. I am so grateful to this day that I had her to guide me through this difficult period in my life.
I’ve come a long way in such a short period of time it feels like. I realized that in order for a substantial spiritual growth to take place, I needed to be patient with myself and find the courage to accept uncertainty. I am currently still struggling with these issues, but now it seems that this battle of faith vs. identity has shaped my perspective. Not only can I find ways to encourage myself through it, but now I am able to give that light and support for others more. The pain only brings you closer to God, and sometimes it takes some distance to finally discover where you belong. I feel like I’ve grown as a person, but God also strengthened my views and uncovered my eyes to things I’ve never encountered before. There is more freedom that awaits you on the other side of this journey.
For anyone who is reading this, I want you to know that the struggles of understanding and loving yourself for who you are is a journey. There is no rush to discover your true contentment, and I can absolutely tell you that God sees you, and He comes to you right where you are. Always remember that you are loved and uniquely made, and the pain is only temporary which will guide you to a greater journey ahead. You are not alone, and it’s ok to feel uncertainty at times.
There is a place in God’s heart where you will always belong, and in His eyes you are beautiful just as you are.
