Ben
I remember the first time that I felt trauma due to my queerness. I was a teenager and heard that old evangelical trope from the pulpit stating that, “all gay people were going to Hell”.
It finally hit me that the man standing and screaming these hate-filled words was talking about me. The shame permeated every inch of my body because there was something about me that was irreconcilable with the God and the community that I loved so dearly.
I spent years in denial, lying to everybody around me. I was doing everything that made me feel like myself in private, while putting on a “good boy” face in public. I even MARRIED A WOMAN out of fear that I’d be caught and therefore unforgivable.
Pronouns: they/them
Photo of Pastor Ben
Years passed and what I discovered is that I could NOT keep juggling all the lies, even those that I told myself, and I was scared. So, I did anything to mask my feelings. I drank, over ate, and watched tons of porn. And then, it all fell apart. My health bottomed out, my wife kicked me out, and I was going nowhere.
But at the very bottom, God was waiting, and I came out! While it’s still hard sometimes, coming out helped me to see God in God’s nature, instead of the cage in which I attempted to keep us both. My life almost instantly turned around because I was who I was meant to be.
I’m Pastor Ben, and I’m here to say that I love you and God loves you, just as you are.
Photo of Ben
