Ciel
My name is Ciel Lese Bell, and I am a BIPOC nonbinary Muslim.
I ignored my calling to Islam kind of the same way I ignored my transness for many reasons. I told myself I couldn’t be a man (or nonbinary) because I loved feminine things. I also told myself I wouldn’t be a “good” Muslim because I was queer/trans, but I got to a point where I couldn’t ignore that either.
Pronouns: they/he/it/rot
Photo of Ciel
I wasn’t happy running from myself. I was heavily depressed so I stopped running. But being queer or trans didn’t stop that strong pull I felt from Allah. I was pleasantly wrong all along. I could be Muslim, trans, and Queer, and it was okay.
Growing up, I was always the odd one. I was bullied a lot by my peers and the adults around me, probably because I was also autistic. I felt and still feel very foreign moving through this world. The first time I noticed I was queer was at about age five, but I didn’t have the language for it. It was also the 90s when no one talked to kids about identity. So I felt very emotional; I felt alone.
I find that now I still struggle with feeling accepted by parts of the LGBTQ+ community and within the Muslim community, but I find acceptance and peace with other like-minded and kind-hearted folks. The relationship I have with my religion has been an overall rewarding one.
I believe Allah made me as I am.
Mashallah!
Photo of Ciel
