Bella
Growing up in an Evangelical, fundamentalist mega-church made me believe in the doctrine that “homosexuals will not inherit the kingdom of God” (*some translations 1 Corinthians 6:9), and if I realized that I was indeed gay, then celibacy was the only option moving forward in the faith.
I first began questioning my sexual orientation in my freshman year of high school. I was confused, depressed, and lonely as I navigated my sexuality alone. I finally mustered up the courage to speak with a few different church leaders and received the same cookie-cutter answer: “I am loved and that my identity is found in Christ alone and that there are plenty of books and people out there who identify as gay and choose to live a celibate lifestyle because ‘that is honoring to God.’”
Pronouns: she/hers
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In addition, I was told that being gay was unnatural and that I was “perverted” for looking at women in a light that was other than friends. After hearing that I was all of these terrible things and that there was essentially zero hope for me I turned to self-harm.
I continued to spiral into my depression and isolated myself from my friends. I put on a façade and acted as if everything was alright. I spent two years in the closet earnestly asking the Lord to “heal me” from homosexuality.
I eventually left the Evangelical mega-church and discovered LGBTQ+ affirming churches. I was shocked that churches like this even existed. I walked into a church in Los Angeles and was overcome by all the love and affection I received from other LGBTQ+ Christians and allies.
For the first time in my life, I felt connected at church. I wish I could say all of the pain and trauma vanished. I am still in the process of finding healing. However, there is hope and genuine joy for the future.
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